


How Could I Stand It?

by Very_Anxious_Bean



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Nightmares, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Caring Deceit Sanders, Crying, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Has Nightmares, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Deceit Sanders, He doesn't get one, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Parental Figure Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, he gets one, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 08:17:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20485751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Very_Anxious_Bean/pseuds/Very_Anxious_Bean
Summary: Virgil has a nightmare, then Remus has one a few days later.





	1. Their Hatred

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s): Minor anxiety attack, profanity (swearing)

Virgil doesn't understand. He doesn't know why they're acting like this. They- they said that they don't care about how he used to be a Dark Side. They said he's still family but-

Patton was giving him the cold shoulder, Roman was glaring and fighting with him again, and Logan acted like Virgil was no longer worthy of trust.

Virgil forced himself to breathe. He would not panic, not right now. 

He forced himself to walk into the kitchen. He should probably drink 

Patton was baking, chatting with Roman as he mixed the batter. "I know, but you still need to be careful on your quests." 

"I know," Roman sighed. He leaned against the counter with a small smile; it immediately disappeared when he saw Virgil. 

Patton frowned at Roman's sudden silence and glanced over his shoulder. He quickly looked away from Virgil. 

"What are you doing here, Anxiety?" Roman narrowed his eyes. He scoffed when Virgil quickly left, rolling his eyes and going back to talking to Patton. 

Virgil went to the living room, pausing when he saw Logan read a book. Normally Logan would greet him but instead, he was keeping Virgil in the corner of his eyes. 

Roman came into the room, singing. Of course, he was singing Loathing from Wicked and making sure Virgil knew it was for him with pointed looks and glares. 

Virgil glared back at Roman, sitting in his usual chair and scrolling through his phone. He wanted to run back to him room but he was trying to not let them get to him (it wasn't working). 

"Uh, Logan?" Patton peeked into the room with a nervous chuckle. "Could you- um, could you come help me?" 

Logan nodded and placed a bookmark in his book before closing it. The smell of smoke was more obvious now and Logan hurried to the kitchen. 

Roman crossed his arms, leaning against the couch and glowering at Virgil. "Why are you even here?" 

Virgil raised an eyebrow, looking up from his phone. 

"You're a Dark Side-"

"You guys said it didn't matter," Virgil said. 

Roman scoffed. "It _does_. You're a Dark Side and you didn't tell us? That's not excusable-" 

"Roman-"

"You don't get to call me that anymore," Roman snarled. 

That broke Virgil's heart a bit. "I haven't _done_ anything-"

"You didn't tell us you were a Dark Side-"

"It was pretty obvious from the beginning; or are you just _that_ oblivious?" Virgil hissed. 

"We had some hope but then you just go and crush it as usual!"

"It's not my fault you judge-"

"You know what? No-" Roman covered Virgil's mouth with his hand- "I'm not dealing with this. Just go away." 

Virgil forced Roman's hand away. "What the fuck? You go away, it's not my problem if you can't deal with something!" 

"Oh my god, I have to spell it out for you?" Roman scoffed again. "Fine. Virgil- no, shut it- we all _hate you_."

If you listen very carefully, you can hear the cliche sound of a heart being torn in half. 

"We want you to go away," Roman snarled, "and we want you to stay away. If you don't believe me, look at how Logan and Patton acts around you. Patton can't talk to you and Logan doesn't trust you anymore." 

Virgil got up, forcing Roman out of his way, and went to his room. As soon as the door shut with him in the room, the harsh whispers could be heard. 

**They all hate you, you're not wanted. The others won't take you back, you're pathetic and weak. Everyone hates you and Thomas is scared of you, should you even still be here?**

Virgil grit his teeth, trying not to cry. He got on his bed, grabbing his headphones and plugging them into his phone. 

**You're going to be just like _them_, you're going to hurt them in some way. At least, in their opinion you're harmful. You have hurt them before, you're going to start doing it again.**

Virgil started playing his music as loud as possible to drown out the hissed words. It didn't work. 

**You're going to wreck Princey, you're going to make Logan feel worthless again, and Patton-**

"Stop." 

**Patton's going to fall deeper in depression. It's all your fault.**

Virgil's breathing picked up as the words continued suffocating him. He already knew everything's his fault, he already knew he makes their lives worse, he already knew **nobody will accept him again, he has no one-**

Virgil's eyes snapped open and he gasped, immediately kicking off his blanket and curling into himself. He can't breathe. 

He sobbed, shaking. 

It was a nightmare. It was a nightmare, it was just a nightmare. 

Virgil really needs to listen to himself. 

The breathing exercise, breathe normally and don't wake the others up. 

Virgil went through the breathing exercise, eventually able to breathe. He didn't feel much better though.

Virgil sat on his bed for a while, debating whether or not to get Deceit, when a door in his room opened. He looked up, seeing Deceit. 

"Always right on time, huh?" Virgil forced out.

"No, obviously not," Deceit lied. He sat on Virgil's bed, making sure he wasn't crowding said Side. 

Virgil and Deceit didn't do anything before Virgil sighed and slumped against Deceit. He let Deceit wrap his arms around him. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Deceit asked. 

Virgil shook his head. "I just want to sleep right now." 

Deceit nodded, murmuring an "Okay," before laying down so both of them were more comfortable. 

Virgil blankly stared at his dark walls, listening to Deceit's heartbeat. He eventually fell asleep. 

Deceit waited for a few hours before carefully getting out of Virgil's bed, laying the weighted blanket on Virgil. He ran a hand through Virgil's hair as a goodbye before leaving again. 

Thank God Remus was still asleep when Deceit returned. Speaking of Remus, he was on the couch with his mace still in his loose grip. 

Deceit took the mace and set it on the coffee table, picking Remus up and getting him back into his bed. He returned the mace, made sure Remus had a blanket on him, and quietly shut the door. 

Deceit decided to not go to bed that night, already having been up for most of it.


	2. Your Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning(s): Profanity (swearing)

The more Remus thought about it, the more he hated it. 

It wwasn't strange for Remus to have nightmares. For Remus to dream about losing Deceit. It wouldn't ever happen, he knows that. 

He know he'd never lose Deceit because both of them were... disliked by the Light Sides. Plus, Deceit wasn't a big fan of them either. 

Virgil was the exception. Of course, Virgil only came over whenever he needed comfort and didn't want to bother the other three.

Deceit didn't plan on leaving either of them, he's said multiple times that he practically raised them so why would he leave? 

Remus never voiced out that Deceit could easily change his mind at any time.

Remus frowned, watching as Deceit went with his day as if Remus wasn't there. Yes, Deceit has had to ignore him a few times to get shit done but he always muttered "Busy," or something like that to Remus as he passed by. 

This was just ignoring him. 

"Dee," Remus said. 

"What?" 

Remus crossed his arms. "What're you doing?" 

"Work," Deceit deadpanned. He continued working. 

"You didn't tell me that, and you're not telling me the truth."

Deceit looked over his shoulder. "And?"

"You could at least tell me what you're doing so I can go away in peace." 

Deceit gave him a blank look before walking away. 

Remus sighed, knowing that he should leave Deceit alone. 

Remus glanced up from his drawing when his door was opened. "Hello, Dee-Dee." 

Deceit leaned against the doorway. "Get up, you're leaving." 

"... What?" 

"You're leaving," Deceit repeated. "Get up and go." 

Remus blinked. "Dee, that isn't a very funny joke. Even Patton's puns are better-" 

Deceit sighed. "I'm not joking. You're leaving. Hurry up." 

"And where exactly am I going? Your bedroom?" Remus smirked. 

"The Subconscious ."

Remus paused. He chuckled, eyes darting around the room. "That- no, you've gotta be joking." 

"Does it look like I'm telling a joke?" 

Not with _that_ blank face.

"No but it sounds like you are." 

"Well," Deceit said, "I'm not joking." 

"Why are you sending me there? You have said that you're not going to ditch me! Or Virgil!" 

Deceit shrugged. "I changed my mind. You really are annoying. I don't want you here, the Light Sides would kick you out, so where else would you go without being in the way?" 

Remus couldn't move. Except, Deceit dragged him and he was forced to go along with that. 

He couldn't stop it.

Remus woke up, accidentally falling off his bed and landing on the floor. 

"Ouch," he winced as he sat up, rubbing the arm he landed on. He cracked his neck and got back on his bed. 

Well, that was a pleasant dream he had. 

Remus wiped at his face, already knowing there would be tears. He was right, as usual. 

He sighed as more tears fell, the dream still going through his head. 

Well, until that actually happens, he'll just deal with it himself. 

There's no need to irritate Deceit further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to TerraBrownWriter for coming up with The Subconscious because I sure didn't lol 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry this is so bad :( Please forgive me


End file.
